My Demons- Chasity Hamilton

Purge me of my wicked self-

the sins I left upon the shelf
have climbed back down to feed.



And these demons take the most real forms-
denial, betrayal, disgust-
all children of my womb,
left barren and scrapped.



How do I demolish
these pieces of me?

How can I show you
I am ready to change?


This coffin I have made-
with fragments of my shell-
barely fits one.

I am confined.
I can not breath...
These demons have become me.



How do I demolish
these pieces of me?

How can I show you
I am ready to change?

SuperWoman- Chasity Hamilton

She watches over a broken city.
Her eyes cool and calm,
hide all the insecurities.



She swears her life to theirs-
their happiness, their safety,
while she falls apart inside.



Even she yearns for a Superman.
Not a miracle,
just someone to crawl into,
when the weight is unbearable.



And she fights to save lives
while she questions the reasons
to breath, to live.



Hollow, her words, her actions.
She has no home
to comfort the cries inside.


She's the hero.
She's not supposed to break.
But even she,
still yearns for a Superman

Silence- Chasity Hamilton

The screaming in my head
never stops,
never ends.


All the while I try to be
the silence...
the silence
that you need.

Suffocated thoughts,
strangled sounds,
that slip from my mind-
only in the dark confines
of my four walls.



A yearning,
a burning
to find that place
where solace is sound.

Puddles of muddled words
that were once my own.
I sacrifice
to end the hues
of lightning in your eyes.


But the screaming
never stops,
never ends.



The night is heavy-
the silhouette of your laughter,
so foreign to my ears-
misted over with a dark emotion.



And we'll laugh 'till we cry-
for an excuse to let go,
to push it all away.


I try to be silent-
but the screaming
never stops,
never ends.

Blind- Chasity Hamilton

I don't mind
being blind
to all the things I can't handle.


Then the night settles in-
the bitter loneliness
I refuse to share...
to share with you.


And it feels like falling
into all my final thoughts-
before I lost myself.


My steady hands
that never shook,
now tremble as I cling.


And I'll try to get through,
break through the black curtain
of my eyes.


And no,
I wouldn't mind being blind to...
being blind to...
all the things I forget to remember.


And I just can't share
this feeling-
the past from which I run.


I'm too busy being strong to take you down...
down this road....
down into darkness....


And I wouldn't mind
being blind to
all the things I ignore-
to what made me who I am.


And I see that I don't.
And I hear what I won't....
What I won't cling to....


Its 2 a.m.
and I'll pretend I don't need anyone...
no, I don't need anyone.


The dark shadows come to play,
my mind it takes a turn-
a turn to what I run from.


And I'll lay broken.
I'll lay here and will it all away.
Because I'm too busy being strong
to share my path with you.


Its a one way street
full of hidden motives..
and I can't walk with you-
yet I don't walk alone.


This is when,
the night settles in-
the bitter loneliness
I refuse to share...
to share with you.


And I wouldn't mind...
being blind to...
being blind to-

to everything I've known-
the night I can't share with you.

The Death of My Dearest

My Dearest Love,

I’ll recount the days we laid awake-
the way your soul would pine and shake.
I’ll recall the sound, so somber,
of your heart taking slumber.


I’ll recall how I misplaced you-
mashed you into mush,
stuck you inside the thick lines of ink-
wrote you off somewhere between the lines,
until you faded away.


I’ll recall the way we lost our love:


Seal shut the cellar door,
our hearts have hit the floor-
becoming tangled between the wooden slates,
mangled by our feet as we ran without concern.


The beauty of sweet sunrise
has long escaped our aching eyes.
The golden rays gave way
to the winter we brought upon ourselves.



Lock the bolt, cast away the key-
lay your corpse down next to me.

Feel the cold uninviting ground.
Slip into silence from the sound,
as we fall to whispers and then
to a place where words can not exist.


The dirt fills our mouths now.
We’re losing all we have now.

Give up the silver-lined dreams-
life is fraying at the seems
as we pull the threads so tight
that we snap them between
our skeletal fingers.


The dirt fills our mouths now.
We’re losing all we have now.


Let your lips slip grips with mine,
the hues of blues fit just fine.
Your skin is so ashen, it cracks
and shatters, as it withers from my touch.


You’re all but frozen dear,
near and dear, dying here.


This is how you passed me by.
This is when I said goodbye.


For we were dying just to live
and living just to die.

The One Who Escaped Me-Chasity Hamilton

This is for you...


For the day we spent in that special room
as I wiped the dust from your grandfather's fiddle,
you wiped the dust from my collarbones-
said we could make a home in these memories.



This is for you...
Whether you be a million moons from my eyes
or a several seas from my touch-
you're never far from my heart.


This is for you...
For the way you wiped the rain from my eyes,
and the tears of the sky could one day sing halleluiah
for broken wings that only need dreams to learn to fly.



This is for you...
The seeds you planted in my palms
to bloom sweet kisses- wrapped in the words
 you whispered in my ears.



This is for you....
For the late night talks,
walks in the moonlight,
and the shine of your skin as silken as my dreams of you are.



This is for you....
the way you caught my whimpers and
blew them away on wisps of wind,
held me close, as my bones tried to settle in tight skin.



This is for you...
As I laid on your window seal,
baring my soul but unashamed-
because you swore I was beautiful.



This is for you...
Wrapped up in white sheets,
melting into my heart as I think if love could have a face
it would be yours.



This is for you...
wherever you are.


This is for you...
As I think of the smile that
made me ponder wonderful impossibilities


For you,
my keeper of dreams,
my poet of love.


For the sound of your voice
so soft over phone cords,
as I hide away from
the world a piece of me I keep for you.


This is for you.
Wherever you are,
my starlit beauty.


The one who has escaped me.
The chains that are restricting.



This is for you,
the one who promised a home of memories
that never belonged to me.


This is to you,
the one who escaped me.

My Porcelain Angel - Chasity Hamilton

My porcelain angel,
she basks in the pale of the moon.
The stars would lay beneath her feet
if it were to my command.

She wears the silken ink of night sky-
made of threads of dreams of many,
but mostly my dreams of her.

When the fairy's dust of the nocturnal dissent
shall fall upon the world,
I take comfort in knowing,
that I hold her to my side.

She is quiet in her ways,
yet speaks volumes to my soul.
Thirsty, I drink
from the well she puts before me.

She is everything to offer-
everything worth knowing,
everything worth holding.

She paints the night,
with lights of gold,
a silver stream
of sparkles dust my air.

My porcelain angel,
she basks in the pale of the moon.
The stars would lay beneath her feet,
if it were to my command.

For there has never been a night,
as beautiful as she.

There has never been a thing,
as beautiful as she.

Playing God - Chasity Hamilton

Tell me from your righteous throne,
how wrong I am to wallow in my filth.

Tell me how sane you are when
held against my sins.

Tell me how I play God,
as I refuse the sunshine in.

Tell me you know sadness
as I am knee deep in in my woes.

Tell me how I am wrong,
how you "understand".

How every scar didn't have to exist.
How every lie hasn't kissed my wrists.

Tell me I am messed up-
I never claimed opposition.

Tell me how my biggest crime,
was not being more like you.

Tell me.
Tell me you "understand".
Tell me you want
as I trade chains for bleeding bedsheets.

Tell me you need
as I fight the whimpers in my throat.

Tell me my biggest sin,
was playing God.\

But only tell me so....
when you've been where I have been.

Cling - Chasity Hamilton

I stumble into the room-


the smells of formaldehyde and decay,



the music plays-

a little too low key

a little too off beat.



All around cling to

a somber silhouette

of all that will never be.



All around cling to

the arms of the living-

the last strand of reassurance.



And I,

I cling to nothing.



I walk nakedly ashamed.

I walk in a slow daze,

The dark haze.



I walk alone.



I cling to nothing

more than death’s grip

that has become you.



I cling to the memories

of time spent waiting,

waiting for you to come home.



I cling to,

The nights of camaraderie when

Mommy and “Daddy Dearest” fell apart.



I cling to the last vivid

time I remember you-



The clock blinking late night numbers,

the smell of funny smoke on your skin-

the perfume of the dying,

the red rims of your eyes,

the words you said-

“Don’t ask. Please don’t say a thing.”



You lay still,

So unnaturally still.

And I shake too much,

unnaturally so.



I lay my hot palms flat against

your frozen powdered cheeks,

hoping to transfer my life’s heat.



And I think,

Why am I so lucky?



And I think,

Didn’t I give in just as well?



You don’t look like you.

A stranger slipped into your skin.



Death the darkest strange-

lurking never too far from our hands.



And I think,

Why have I been the lucky one?



Your skin

is a pallor hue from death’s pallet.

Your skin,

looks as if to burst-

swollen with lost closure.



I stumble to death’s bedside,

the smells of formaldehyde and decay.



The music plays-

a little too low key-

a little too off beat.



All around cling to,

a somber silhouette

of all that will never be.



And I,

I cling to none.

Love's Remission - Chasity Hamilton

Hide your intentions.
This is love's remission.
Hide what  you been wishing
(But only in nights dreams).

She came to me on angel's wings-
a beauty from my fantasy.
She called to me
but only in my mind's fancy.

I held her once on summer's wind
when winter came, the harshest blow -
tainting love with rigid snow.

So on this white pallet I lay her angel-
the death to my dear love -so fragile.
Though I bury her in Winter's pain-
resurrected in my dreams,
she lives on again and again.

BitterSweet - Chasity Hamilton

The lights flash behind my eyes-
glazed over from a night
I'll never want to remember.

But you kissed me,
Oh, how you kissed me,
and told me I wouldn't always be this way.

The insecuirties linger on my lips-
my eyes sink into my head
my limbs unstable, shaking.

But the things you said-
Oh, how you got to me
and I think it's so lovely.

My thoughts melt
into one pool
of the mess I drown in.

But how you reached for me-
made me think I might be lovely,
I might be worth a second look.

An empty stomach
in trade for an absent mind.
Is it just me?

But then you look my way
with eyes full of content
and I can't believe it's me

that fills you-
a cure for the hunger...
and I can't believe it's me.

Sacrilegious Temple - Chasity Hamilton

As I lay in the waste of his wreckage, I wonder:

"Where are you my faceless God when I need you?"

You son's sacrifice, his hands are nailed just when I need them. I reach forward,  and come back down empty handed.

Years pass but I am still constricted to this room, this sacrilegous temple where demons are at play. The martyr at bay, waiting for the next prey. All the while I pray for it all to just go away. And I lay in the waste of his wreckage. I am a wreck, a dirty mess, as I wonder:

"Where are you my faceless God?"

Searching for Meaning - Chasity Hamilton

I wilt away
into the grey,
the colors that fade-
like my heart beat.

The beating breaks.
The silence sounds.

Crack open these ribs.
find the beat in me
Crack open my insides.
Release the maggots that make me.

Split open my head.
Take out the thoughts of haunting.
Split open my heart.
Remove the parts that hurt me.

Slice through my slumber.
Remove the demons it takes to remember.
Cut out my emotions,
who really needs them?

I don't want to remember
You're searing touch.
I'm tired of searching
for a reason to inhale.

So I hold my thoughts
on battered breath.
I fall from flight
on tattered wings.

Yes I am tired of searching
for reason to inhale.
So I hold my thoughts
on battered breath.
And wait for the explode
of my lungs collapsing.

I grit my teeth.
Sew my lips shut.
You won't hear me scream.

I'm tired of searching,
Waiting, hurting,
Looking for a reason to inhale.

My Permanent Demons - Chasity Hamiltion

The night continues on,
a sea of ebony meanings
marked by the fiery stars
that smolder and burn in your eyes.

And I'll stay awake for hours,
thinking of those eyes,
seeing only those eyes.

And I'll wrestle with the guilt
that you left within me.
I'll fight the tugging feelings,
as the hours trickle away slowly.

If I could just remain,
one solid piece of stone,
then morning light could save me-
but I'm cracking.

My marble flesh is cracking,
breaking from the inside out.
the inside out, you come for me.
the demons that refuse to cease.

Dry eyes, no tears you see.
I am stone cold.
I refuse, I refuse
to let you break me.

Breaking from the inside out.
the inside out you come for me.

And I'll stay awake for hours
thinking of those eyes,
seeing only those eyes-
feeling only the demons,
that refuse to cease.

Closure - Chasity Hamilton

The tears of her eyes
fell gently on my skin.
I felt her shake beneath me.

Too long she had
built walls around
the tender place
I needed in.

She became
youth,
mother,
friend,
beauty,
fragility,
all within my embrace.

We became
mother and daughter,
a family,
a friendship.

For once I can say,
I forgive you.

This is the first time
I've felt so free.

The first time
I've seen your eyes.

As you cling to me,
I steady my grasp-
I won't waver from your side.

As you cling to me,
my tears refuse to subside.

For the joy I feel,
the release so grand,
to finally feel I can say,

"I forgive you"
and take you by the hand.

Silence - Chasity Hamilton

The screaming in my head,
never stops,
never ends.



All the while, I try to be
the silence -
the silence
that you need.



Suffocated thoughts,
strangled sounds-
that slip from my mind
only in the dark confines,
of my four walls.



A yearning,
a burning,
to find that place
where solace is sound.



Puddles of muddled words
that were once my own.
I sacrifice
to end the hues
of lightning in your eyes.



But the screaming-
never stops,
never ends.



The night is heavy-
the silhouette of your laughter,
so foreign to my ears-
is misted over with a dark emotion.



And we’ll laugh ‘till we cry,
for an excuse to let go-
to push it all away.



I try to be silent,
but the screaming,
never stops…
never ends.