The Acme Incorporated Company Handbook - Madison & Chase Kane

Acme Incorporated Company Handbook
In Part

1. At Acme Inc. every Employee will be forced to work in the hallway until they earn their cubicle.

2. Every Employee will be issued exactly one office chair for which he or she will be responsible. The Company is not responsible for the thievery of office chairs; We suggest placing Storm Trooper cutouts in your general vicinity to ward off prospective chair thieves.

3. Each Employee has only 3 bathroom points per semester, if We catch you in the bathroom more than three times per semester you will be Leveled down OVER 9,000.

4. At Acme Inc. an Employee must be Level 30 to enter through any of the doors. The Level 19 Key is in the 9th Floor Storage Closet. All the windows are locked.

5. If you wish to leave before 8:00pm you must successfully carry the Ring to Mordor. If any Employee fails to accomplish this task and leaves before 8:00pm, The Company will cut off their ring finger and throw it into the lava pit.

6. At Acme Inc. regulation ceiling height is 5 feet from the floor. Complaints, bad posture and outrageous height will not be tolerated.

7. Any Employee who is found not 1337 at Gnome Chompski will be terminated on the spot with a Combat Shotgun.

8. Office supplies below Level 12 will not be permitted. This includes Staples, Ink, Pens, Pencils, Post It Notes, Erasers, Paper Weights, Pencil Sharpeners, Paper and Paper Clips. Office supplies above Level 12 include Pulse Rifles, Battle Axes, Plasma Swords, Blasters, Lightsabers, Bullwhips and Grenade Launchers.

9. Fighting outside the conference room will not be permitted unless a written consent form is issued for Employee vs. Employee dueling.

10. All Starships must be parked in the 3rd Floor Corridor. Imperial Star Destroyers under Rejuvenator-class will not be permitted.

11. Edward Cullen is not permitted on Company grounds under ANY circumstances.

12. Acme Inc. does not permit returns or refunds under ANY circumstances. This includes incidents concerning product malfunctions or explosions involving small wildlife creatures.

13. No matter what Acme Inc. produces, Our products will have zero effect on large birds. This is a known issue.

We hope that you will have a pleseant time working here with us at Acme Incorporated.
Note: Acme Inc. is not responsible for rules and regulations not stated in this handbook. You must follow ALL rules abovestated and any that may not be listed.