Before this school year, deep in the bowels of Celtic ruins conveniently located in Brambleton, Virginia, a magical portal summoned by druids and several of King Arthur’s court magicians opened. Out of this portal to 5th century England stepped out Caleb Scott, aiming to educate the world on proper grammar, the entertainment value of literary manslaughter, and how ‘epic’ epic poetry can be. Surprisingly, nobody has seemed to figure out his secret yet...except for me! Because I’m writing this biography!Caleb Scott – while his name definitely speaks for itself, there is more to him than meets the eye. He graces people’s presences with eloquent verse, speaking in various accents of past civilizations. On the other hand, if one thinks about it logically, it’s no surprise that Mr. Scott is such a proficient writer. If you think back to medieval times and all the clichés that go along with it, Pat O’Brien’s most infamous and nastiest voicemail messages would come off as romantic poetry to the modern reader when spoken in such a manner. This does, however, make one question what Mr. Scott actually DOES say when he knows that everyone thinks it’s literary ‘genius.’
When Sir Caleb walks in the room, a sense of mild anxiety may overcome you. This is normal. Also, if this impromptu bard-ish time traveler has begun to rub you in the wrong way after these past couple paragraphs, do not worry, as this simply means you are a perfectly normal American, and you oppose such things as magical portals and archaic teenage authors making everyone feel inferior. As your dutiful informant and almost the most respected student at Briar Woods when it comes to literary proficiency, I strongly urge the readers to take a good long look at what I have just written and decide for yourselves. Are you truly okay with letting such an unnatural being
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