Madison Kane

While sometimes mistaken for a young woman of Jamaican descent, Madison Kane is, in fact, a variety of pasta found solely in the Umbria region of Italy. Best served shaken – not stirred – and held at room temperature, Madison is often paired with fruit salad and Kool-Aid to create a “delicious” dish favored at family reunions, parent-teacher conferences, parole officer meetings, and other similarly awkward events.

In a former life, “she” was also a short Hispanic man named Carlos who liked to spend his weekends dressing in drag – Go-Go boots were his go-to shoes – and parading around at the local roller rink. When questioned on the logistics of skating in Go-Go boots, he would pause, raise one eyebrow, and then say, “You gonna die” before skating off into the distance, never to be heard from again.

...Until next weekend, anyway.